By: Jennifer Giorgi

Nationwide media outlets continue to cover Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson and his vice-presidential pick, Bill Weld. In a campaign cycle where the two major parties have put forth their least liked presumptive nominees in recent history, it is fascinating that the Johnson/Weld combo cannot seem to break past 10 percent in the polls with any level of consistency.

In recent election cycles, with the advances in technology and the internet, candidates are being scrutinized on a much different level. Decisions are now not only being based on policy, but are also being swayed by less measurable characteristics such as appearance, non-verbal communication, and personality.

In a recent poll conducted to attempt to measure some of these tricky variables reports that 67 percent of likely voters are concerned not about Gary’s policies, but instead about the state of his eyebrows – or lack there of.

#WhereAreGarysBrows?

As reported in a study by MIT behavioral neuroscientist, Javid Sadr and his colleagues, eyebrows have remained on our faces throughout the course of evolution because they are essential to facial identification. It would follow that voters may be having a hard time remembering who Gary is, and that there are in fact more than two choices in the upcoming presidential election.

One former Libertarian Party supporter from New Jersey raised an excellent point when stating, “How am I supposed to trust someone with the future of the country if his eyebrows aren’t even on fleek? Never mind on fleek- I can’t even see them! I just can’t even.”

Until further studies are conducted it will remain difficult to tell if voters have a general distaste for Gary’s eyebrows, or if they are unable to actually recall what he looks like due to a lack of eyebrows. Gary’s makeup artist did not respond to a request for comment.

[SATIRE]