By: Jennifer Giorgi
The response has been overwhelming following the news of Gary Johnson’s missing eyebrows. Many folks have been speculating as to what the cause of the missing forehead fur might be. Independent campaign strategist, Robert Rayfield, suggested Gary’s charitable side might have gotten the best of him and he possibly could have donated his eyebrows to the Trump campaign to use in the presumptive Republican nominee’s toupee. Others have been offering suggestions on how Gary might remedy the situation to up his polling numbers. Below are the top eight eyebrow replacement suggestions so far:
8. Mountain Climbing Carabiners
We all know Gary has climbed the highest summit on each of the seven continents. He mentions it all the time. It doesn’t seem to be the thing he discusses most, but is certainly a close second to how he used to be the Governor of New Mexico. Did you know he used to be a governor? As Gary plugs along and continues his uphill climb that is the election cycle of 2016, it might be helpful to have some extra gear on hand – or on head.
Speaking of putting one foot in front of the other, many would like to think they always put their best foot forward. Gary has been known to rock tennis shoes regardless of the situation. Since his media coverage stepped up, he has been appearing in dress shoes more and more, but that doesn’t mean he has to give up his crisp kicks!
6. Bald Eagles
There is not much that screams freedom like a pair of bald eagles … yes we see the irony.
We all know Gary blows dank trees. One concerned voters suggested the Governor follow the Snoop model and always have extra bud on deck. Gary would have a couple of bushy and nicely scented brows, while never running out of pot. Thanks Dizzle!
Some sympathizers have acknowledged that sometimes eyebrows fall out due to medical conditions or old age. Many have sought after permanent makeup solutions which essentially tattoo eyebrows back on. Though, if tattoos are going to be involved anyway, why not spread the good Libertarian message while we are at it? Besides, tattoos could help gain the Bernie following like the campaign seems to be after so badly!
3. Muh Cakes!
A spokesperson (anonymous for obvious reasons) from the foodie community on Facebook, #Tubbies4AP, said if there is an upside to Gary’s dogmatic position on freedom of association and religious freedom it’s that there’d be cake for everyone!
2. Replica Flintlock Pistols
Ahhh. The infamous garbage pistol! It has come out that Gary regrets tossing this proverbial olive branch from Austin Petersen in the literal trash. Some have suggested replacing Gary’s brows with TWO flintlocks might be a good PR move to pull in Petersen supporters.
1. James Weeks II
“We could use a little bit of fun,” Weeks told the crowd as he started his striptease at the 2016 Libertarian Convention. We couldn’t agree more, James. We couldn’t agree more.
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