Trump Extends Secret Service Detail to Protect His Emotions

Written by Grant M. Deltz

(The following is a satirical article, not fake news)

President Trump has recently extended the role of his Secret Service detail to protect his emotions as well as his livelihood. When asked about this change, Press Secretary Sean Spicer had the following to say,

“Look, you have a great president who has to deal with the fake news and sad Democrats. They aren’t nice to him like they should be. This is a necessity to ensure the true safety of our president.”

Kellyanne Conway also had some remarks,

“President Obama apparently didn’t think wiretapping microwaves was enough. He has resorted to even the low level of prank calling President Trump from fake numbers. How did he get the numbers? Is he working with the Clinton campaign? There’s no excuse for this.”

Trump hasn’t made any remarks on the issue however Donald Trump Jr. said that the “haters and losers” need to leave his “brilliant” father alone.