Libertarians are Liberty’s Worst Nightmare

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Written By Crystal Byrd

Libertarians, we need to talk. We have a problem. We need to have a heart to heart and you need to hear and absorb some hard truths. If you’re not the reading type there’s an easy chart at the bottom to give you the breakdown.  If you’re the type of Libertarian who believes voting is violence or doesn’t care about the actual Libertarian party, by all means, do you Boo. Freedom away with your bad self, but let’s not pretend you’re planning on actually contributing to the advancement of more liberty by reducing government. Success on that front requires action in the political arena, which will require votes and candidates and….gasp….voting.

I know the anarchists are rolling their eyes, and that’s okay because there is no Ancapistan without some major world tragedy or a huge shift in culture. We aren’t changing culture anytime soon because we’re too busy arguing online to make art, music, or movies (there are some exceptions to this, you know who you are). Libertarians are all too often found online arguing points of philosophy so far off the beaten path that they can easily become liberty’s worst enemy. Let’s discuss.

If during the course of conversation about legalizing drugs and ending prohibition, your conversation partner ask if you think selling heroin to children is okay- this is a trap. Do not take the bait. If you find yourself using philosophy to mentally rationalize why this would be okay, I urge you with every cell in your body to keep your mouth shut. You could always try answering in a way that won’t make Libertarians look like complete imbeciles and simply say, “No, that’s ridiculous, there has to be room for common sense.” Please understand for the love of all that is holy, people don’t want  it to be okay to sell drugs to kids. It doesn’t matter how philosophically pure your position is- people all over the world in vast numbers would easily agree that of all the things in the world that need changing, children’s access to drugs is probably real close to the bottom along with respecting the rights of pedophiles.

On the subject of pedophiles, let me just point out that Americans don’t like pedophiles. Americans don’t want pedophiles to be free to pursue their weird aberrant behavior. Americans want them tattooed across the forehead and in chains for life. This is probably where the internet denizens crawl out of their cyber caves to remind me that principles trump…..well everything. Pedophiles have rights too. Yeah, I know, but if Libertarians ever want to move out of those same internet caves and try to bring freedom to America- newsflash- you’re ideas can’t be repugnant to most Americans. Your message can’t leave people feeling icky and compromised.

If you want to change the culture and political landscape of America, you’re gonna need Americans to join your cause. Easy solution- children lack the mental and emotional development to understand all the consequences of sex and are easily manipulated…they CAN’T consent. Simple. Sex with children (not teenagers having sex with each other), sex with children is always force, always wrong. Let me also go ahead and throw out another unpopular opinion, sex with children is not culturally subjective, it is wrong, in any culture or religion, no matter how normalized it may be.

Since were gonna need Americans to advance the cause of liberty let’s also be real honest about religion. Libertarians shouldn’t give a flying hoot what religion you practice as long as it isn’t violating another person’s rights. This means…epiphany here…all faiths should be welcome. It is absolutely one of the most counterproductive and useless strategies to attack people of faith for their faith when MOST Americans follow a religion of some sort. Atheists are totally welcome, but demeaning people for their belief in a higher power isn’t gonna translate into more Libertarians except maybe in Ancapistan, because that place runs on unicorn farts and rainbows instead of roads.

Let’s end this on serious note, and tackle the elephant in the room…Libertarians don’t care about winning. I said it. There it is. Libertarians will glibly justify poor performance with this nonsense. If it’s not about winning, just what are we doing? Why bother? Why are you even a part of the discussion if you don’t care. If you truly think winning isn’t necessary to advance Libertarian philosophy in America, please feel free to smoke a bowl and tune out when the big kids start talking about strategy and doing what it ACTUALLY takes to win.

You don’t denigrate those who are out there, running, starting organizations, helping people run for local elections, or those folks who are actually keeping the Libertarian Party functional. It’s easy to criticize someone who’s doing a job you will never do or could never do. It’s hard to understand that you may not have all the same information they do and they may spending way too much of their time and resources doing something that actually does advance the Libertarian Party or Liberty in politics, while you sit on your Facebook account and give them shit.

*Author’s Note: I am not an OG Libertarian. I am a former Republican who came to Libertarianism desperately seeking a philosophy of personal responsibility and freedom from the state. I am the target demographic, like it or not. I do not know it all, but neither do you, so there’s that. I understand you may think that if people can’t learn to tolerate injustice with freedom they must be some sort of SJW pussy, but maybe we’re just normal people who believe that with freedom comes responsibility and part of that responsibility is to fight for justice. I would posit that fighting against the abuse of other humans is probably far more noble than fighting to prove other Libertarians wrong. But then again, I’m not a purist and the NAP is not my Bible so what the hell do I know?

TL;DR Version:

Helping and Good: civil discussion, empathy, finding common ground, running for office, donating to Libertarian groups/organizations/campaigns, common sense on controversial issues, offering genuine solutions, making friends, talking to people who are not Libertarians with respect and dignity, listening to Larry Sharpe.

Not Helping/Bad: trolling on posts discussing difficult issues, shitposting, insulting Christians, insulting Muslims, insulting people’s sexuality, trashing people for their stance on abortion, trying to get people fired, mailing body parts to your lady friends, advocating for children’s right to consent to sex, defending anyone’s right to sell drugs to kids, pretending it’s okay to throw people out of helicopters as long as it leads to Libertarian utopia.


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  • Good piece.

    But I don’t know what an “OG libertarian” is. Do they have a website?

    • Oh…it’s biblical…I thought it was a Kryptonite thing. “Og according to The Torah, was an Amorite king of Bashan who, along with his army, was slain by Moses and his men at the battle of Edrei.”

      • Joshua Jury

        OG = Original Gangster, and is generally used as a term for someone who was there at the beginning and has seen it all… basically the “cool” way to say “Hipster.”

  • Victor Kocher

    “If you’re not the reading type there’s an easy chart at the bottom to give you the breakdown.” …. Um …. where’s the chart?

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  • freeboot

    Holy hell, someone sent me this to “enlighten” me but what a mess.