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Kim Jong-nam, the love child of Kim Jong-il and a South Korean actress, is reported to have met a Hollywood-style fate in Malaysia. Jong-nam was allegedly poisoned in an airport by two needle-welding females, believed to be agents of the North Korean regime.
Kim Jong-un and his state-controlled media has not commented on the death, but most of the world is already pointing its fingers. The “hermit prince” fled the country when his family and government inner-circle began dying from not-so-natural causes. Most notably, the brothers’ uncle was fed alive to a pack of rabid dogs for supposedly conspiring against the paranoid Dear Leader.
Jong-nam died in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, while his attackers fled in a taxi and are still at-large. Malaysian authorities are still investigating and will conduct an autopsy. Dear Leader is petting his hairless cat and guffawing, probably.